Not Your Average Lesbian

I am a 20 something lesbian living in South East London/Kent. I graduated from University last year after studying Criminology for 4 years. The purpose of my blog is to educate people and dismiss the stereotypes of lesbians by showcasing my own life, loves and fashion as a representation of who I identify as, as a lesbian. hit counter
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Straight Girl Crush

As discussed in the previous article there seems to be an absence when it comes to choice for lesbians looking for a partner. Maybe this is why some lesbians take it upon themselves to gather ‘new recruits’ to the team. You guessed it I’m talking about those lesbians who fall for straight girls!

Now I’m sure at some point most lesbians have had a ‘straight girl crush’, you know when you, meet a girl who is undeniably straight and un-turn-able but you can’t help but google over her and go a bit silly and giggly when she talks to you, it’s just the same as straight women who wish to high heaven that the gay man they’re talking to was straight. But then come the lesbians (no names but you know who you are lol) who seem to have a major thing for the straight girl. One straight girl is acceptable but has it become a sport?

For some I suppose it could be the allure that she has never slept with a girl before and therefore is untainted by the lesbian community (meant in the nicest way possible ladies) and that if you were successful in your endeavour she will think it is the most fantastic thing she has ever experienced, like giving a child sweets for the first time in their life. For others it could be the chase in that this girl identifies herself as straight and that if you were to turn her subconsciously it will boost your ego because you were the one to ‘show her the ways’.  Or could it just be a preference thing, in that some lesbians don’t like the ‘lesbian look’ and the femininity of straight girls is just that much more appealing to them?

Then there is the question of can this behaviour be imposed on any straight girl crush or are we looking at a particular breed of straight girl? Does this only work on those girls that you just know are teetering on the edge of their sexuality and are possibly confused and need a little guidance or a helping hand or can we seduce any straight girl into bed if we use our charm correctly?

Most women unlike men are more open and experimental with their sexuality anyway, this is a proven fact but just how impressionable are they? Can we go to a straight club walk up to the hottest girl in the room and eventually take her home or do we need to get to know a girl and work out whether she might possibly be interested in experimenting or begin to plant the idea of girl on girl action into her head before we can introduce the idea of acting on it? From what I’ve seen so far it is a lengthy process and at the risk of making myself sound rather promiscuous I’m not sure I’d be prepared to put in a year’s worth of ground work unless this was the girl I planned to spend the rest of my life with and even in saying that I’m not sure I would have that much knowledge unless I was already in a relationship with that person.
So maybe there are two types of lesbian that practice this type of behaviour; the ones for whom it is a sport to see if they can ‘turn’ the straight girl which consists of very little time, a lot of chase and a short-term outcome and those for whom straight girls are just a preference, a heart’s desire and they can’t help but fall in love with them before anything has really begun and they will put in the lengthy ground work because they are actually in it for the long-haul.

To those girls who are in it for the long-haul I salute you, that is a lot of time and effort you are putting in to something that may never happen and yet you keep going because that’s what your heart tells you to do and to those for whom it is a sport I would think that most single lesbians would salute you for the fresh meat!

I’m actually going to dedicate this article to my good friend Sian who will one day find the straight girl that is worth putting in the ground work for. :)

New outfit!
Skinny jeans and top both from New Look, Shoes NEXT.
Sooo excited that the skinny jeans are a size 10, the last time I fit into that size I think I was 17 ;)

New outfit!

Skinny jeans and top both from New Look, Shoes NEXT.

Sooo excited that the skinny jeans are a size 10, the last time I fit into that size I think I was 17 ;)

Ex Loves And Fake Friends

I can’t speak for the rest of the world I can’t even speak for the rest of the country, but from where I am lesbians run in very small circles. Every lesbian knows every other lesbian whether it be by face, name, reputation or their ex. The increasing number of lesbians these days just seems to amplify the number of links one lesbian has to another on the sexual chart. The fact is that whilst we may be growing in numbers we are still not a patch on the much larger hetro society and therefore our choices in partners are dramatically decreased compared to everyone else’s, this however is not an excuse to sleep with your friends ex! In the ‘straight’ world if a girl breaks up with her boyfriend or vice versa and two weeks later finds her friend chatting him up in a bar it usually ends in a bitch fight (hair extensions and heels flying everywhere), so why should it be any different when we subtract the penis from that equation and add another woman?

I don’t think I can begin to explain the amount of inter-group partner swapping I’ve seen since I came out. When I was first on the scene I had to question my own memory and sanity wondering if my mind was playing tricks on me as the girl I am looking at I am sure was with the current girl on her arms best friend last week! Alas my mind was not playing tricks, my memory is fine and I am perfectly sane it just seems there is a lot of bed hoping going on.

I know first-hand how hard it is to find someone who has no connections to any of your friends, I’ve been in a different country with straight mates who have introduced me to a girl because she was a lesbian and I was single and it turned out she knew a whole load of people I did and we didn’t even come from the same end of the country!  Surely though it is possible (unless your friend gets around A LOT) to find someone who hasn’t had some kind of sexual contact with your closest acquaintances.

Personally I’ve heard stories about people I consider my friends hitting on my ex’s on more than one occasion as well as seeing people do it to their friends and it is possibly the worst type of betrayal. Your friends are the people you place the upmost trust in and yet these are the same people who have seen a window of opportunity and at the very least attempted to take it by both hands. The people who (especially if you are going through a bad break up) you expect to have your back are the people who are stood behind you with a great big carving knife ready to strike at any point. The worrying thing is that from what I have seen of some people this is now part of the norm of the minority society we live in. Is this a shortcoming of having relations with a girl whilst maintaining friendships with girls who like girls? Are we all now so intertwined that we forget where the lines are drawn?

I understand the notion of ‘the heart wants what it wants’ but how often is it the heart doing the thinking and not someone’s sexual organs and self-gratification driving them on? If your friend has somehow fallen head over heels in love with your ex and the ex was a serious relationship and one that you had put your heart and soul into and came out hurt in the end can you honestly trick your mind into being happy for said friend? I cannot put myself even hypothetically into the situation of seeing my ex and my friend in love or lust, I would never want to see someone have what I had with my ex or have the knowledge that they will be doing the same things we used to do. My ex is MY ex and NOT on the open market for anyone I consider my friend!

I sleep safe at night with the knowledge that lust and opportunity and powerful entities but also with the fact that anyone who is my friend wouldn’t commit a crime on a friendship such as this and that if the relationship with my ex was as meaningful and loving as it once was that they wouldn’t tarnish the memory of it by entering into the proposed situation.

Trust is a big thing to place in someone, be careful who you give it to!

Straight = Married, Gay = Civil Partnership

I’m just going to put this right out there, when I am officially joined in union with my girlfriend I am going to refer to my relationship as ‘married’, ‘I am married’, not ‘I am in a civil partnership’.

I thought in the current age and country we live in that we were all about equality, if so then why can gay couples not ‘marry’? Now I’m not too fussed about the church ceremonies if I’m honest as firstly I am not particularly religious and secondly as sceptical as I am of the origins of religion I don’t believe we should attempt to change the grassroots of their beliefs for our own benefit, except for the fact that most religious groups believe that homosexuals are eternally damned and carry some kind of contagious disease.
I guess my biggest issue here is that as homosexuals we were fed all this equal rights bullshit by our Government and we lapped it up. We were told that in the UK we have the right to ‘marry’, when clearly we don’t instead we have the right to a ‘civil partnership’. Could someone please tell me where the romantic element is in either of those two words because to me they sound like we’re talking about business partners rather than two people hopelessly in love with each other.

‘Civil’, in other words ‘citizen’, and ‘partnership’ as in a contractual agreement entered into by 2 or more people. The definition of a ‘civil partnership’ when broken down into the meanings of the words as singulars again seems to lack the required romanticism. Even when we look at the definition of ‘civil partnership’ as it was intended by the Government in the ‘Civil Partnership Act 2004’ it fails to mention the love that is shared between a couple who decide to enter into this type of union. Admittedly I don’t expect the word ‘love’ to be written into any type of legislation, however the fact is that the legality behind a ‘civil partnership’ as it was intended is purely based around the rights of the person if the union is dissolved or their partner is deceased. Is that really why couples want to become ‘civil partners’? Solely for the purpose of financial security when the other passes on or the relationship ends, I hope not!
It is also described as being similar to a marriage, but why only similar? Why is it not the same and if it is thought to be the same then why did they have to create new legislation, why couldn’t they simply amend the old legislation of marriage to include same-sex couples?

We have been led to believe we have the same rights to ‘marry’ as straight couples and that we should be grateful for that, but the fact is that even facebook has a ‘civil partnership’ option on the relationship status . Therefore ‘marriage’ and ‘civil partnership’ cannot obviously be the same thing and I personally won’t be deceived that they are. It is just another way for us to be boxed, singled out from ‘normal’ society. It is yet another label!

I will be ‘MARRIED’ not in a ‘CIVIL PARTNERSHIP’ and my girlfriend will become my ‘WIFE’ not my ‘CIVIL PARTNER’ because why should my love for her and our reasons for entering into this life altering decision be any different to that of a straight couple?

I would like equal rights on this matter to actually be equal, rather than equal-ish.

Just another day in the officeBoyfriend shirt Primark, Miss Selfridge black jeans, Primark shoes

Just another day in the office

Boyfriend shirt Primark, Miss Selfridge black jeans, Primark shoes

Blurred Vision

As a lesbian I believe and have seen how the lines between friendship and relationship can become distinctly blurred.
There are two ways this works; your friend that you become very close to, flirt with, possibly even sleep with. This situation then brings up the awkward unknown of where you now stand. Was it a drunken mistake that should never be mentioned EVER again? Was it the result of underlying feelings? Is it the beginning of something more? Will it just become a mutual physical thing that shouldn’t stop either of you from meeting someone or starting another physical ‘relationship’ with someone else? The list goes on. Needless to say these ‘ships’ (the unknown somewhere between friendship and relationship) can become very dangerous territory and can destroy the friendship foundations they were built on.

Then there are relationships that eventually break down and end but both parties manage to remain friends. Me personally, I have remained friends with all my ex’s, I believe that a relationship is based on a common bond and the enjoyment of the others company. To clarify I use ‘ex’ in the sense of a serious relationship or sexual ‘ship’ that lasted for a short time. Either way these were people who made me laugh and I enjoyed being around and I fail to understand why that fact should change now that we are no longer in love or doing the dirty. Now I do get that there will probably be a transition period from relationship to friendship as there is a general feeling of bitterness when a relationship breaks down. Blame gets thrown around possibly alongside some objects (plates, glasses or anything to hand) aimed at the other persons head.  But after the storm and the emotional rollercoaster comes the calm. When you are both exhausted from fighting and can finally be happy for the other to move on why can’t you keep the company of the other?

I do know that some people find it hard to understand how one can be friends with an ex and they can become suspicious of people who like me remain in contact with them. I know people may look upon my friendships with my ex-partners as if something untoward is happening and that I must still love or have feelings for them, however this is not the case. By example my last partner and I are still good friends. I was very much in love with her and she got me through a very difficult time in my life, she was my best friend and I will be forever grateful for her being in my life and being the person she was. I will not throw that away because I no longer love her in that way. Then there’s the ex-boyfriend, the one male love. We still get on like a house of fire. We talk, laugh, he fixes my cars, there’s no issues and why should there be?
I am no longer ‘in love’ with either, but I do still love both of them, just now in a different way than I did before.

At the same time I have also been in situations where a friendship has become something more. In comparison these did not turn out quite as well as my ex’s becoming my friends. These were very awkward situations in which you become unsure of what you can and cannot say. Was this person still classed as a friend? Can I still talk to them in the same way I did before. Will the things I say hurt their feelings or the other way around? In answer to any questions, yes I did get hurt and friendships were torn apart in the process.

I’m not sure there is any way to actually prevent these situations as unfortunately I think that due to our sexual orientation and the fact that girls are generally drawn to other girls to form friendships this is something that comes with it. I don’t believe this happens to everyone but there are a lot of girls who can probably relate to these types of situations because they’ve seen it happen to their friends or it has happened to themselves. For those lucky few who have never played witnessed to or been involved in a ‘ship’ such as these I hope they find even more comfort knowing how uneasy the rest of us have it after reading this.

How I rolled into work on this wet and windy day!
Primark shoes, Miss Selfridge jeans, Primark jumper
Newly dyed red hair <3

How I rolled into work on this wet and windy day!

Primark shoes, Miss Selfridge jeans, Primark jumper

Newly dyed red hair <3

Brighton Pride 2011

I’m a huge fan of the Pride festivals and generally attend around 3 a year (London, Brighton and Gran Canaria). A day when homosexuals are not the minority, a day when we can be completely open without fear of reprisal. It’s always a good day out whether you’re with a group of friends or a partner. We usually watch the parade (more than likely with an alcoholic beverage in hand), have a bit of a dance as the floats go past, check out the weird and wonderful outfits and then when the parade is over move on to the other stages, activities or bars on offer to be loud, proud and enjoy the rest of our gay day.

                However I was bitterly disappointed with this year’s Brighton Pride (2011). The cost of the Official Pride Campsite this year was astronomical! Unfortunately last year I was unable to attend Brighton Pride but I was told it was a little on the pricey side compared to previous years. However when I camped at the Official Pride Campsite in 2009 (me, my partner at the time and a car) all I paid was £10 to park the car and those who came down by train camped for free. Now at the point of payment on arrival I felt this is a bit of a steal, that was of course until we needed to make use of the facilities in which case £10 was daylight robbery. Nevertheless it was £10 arriving on the Friday and departing on the Sunday, this year however the same campsite was going to cost me the best part of £80 for the same amount of days and people and the car! I have heard the site improved their facilities last year but for an increase like that I’m expecting an en-suite attached to my tent! Then to top it off on the Pride website in big bold letters it read ‘PARKING SAATURDAY ONLY’. Now I’ve not had confirmation on how this was handled just yet but if I’m paying £80 to camp I at least expect the ability to park my car, how else am I meant to bring my camping equipment with me? Brighton like London is notoriously bad for parking in general so where if I am camping would I be expected to park my car is beyond me. As you may have already gathered I did not stay on the official campsite, instead I stayed at the cheaper Devils Dyke Campsite. The appropriately named site may be a little further away from the centre of Brighton but there is a bus stop right outside that took us right down to the pier and back for £5. The site had great views, the toilets were clean the whole time and the lack of showers didn’t bother us one bit as we never managed to use the ones on the other site anyway. One other upside … the ability to park next to your tent which meant no trekking across the field with your equipment and easy to store valuables safely in your car.

                Now to my next disappointment … Preston Park. If I’m paying £18 for something that all previous years was free to attend then I want to know what I’m getting for my money. Is there free food? No! Alcohol? No and you couldn’t even bring your own, you had to buy it inside the park! Were the rides free or the stalls giving away a few freebies? Of course not! It was all very much the same as previous years just with 8 foot tall, eye-sore, metal fences around the edge of the park. It looked like a prison camp! Something that used to look so entertaining and colourful now looked ugly, regimented and dull. I, like many boycotted Preston Park and instead we spent the day relaxing in bars and having a fun day in the sun by the beach. This however wasn’t what I’d expected from my Pride weekend.

                We redeemed our less than proud day with a night out at Concorde 2 for the ‘Gaydar Girls Pride Party’. The location was quite hard to find and a little random but the drinks were reasonably priced and the music was fantastic. There were 2 rooms and we were split on which room we preferred the music in. The tickets were relatively cheap and would have gained us entry to Revenge’s foam party on the Sunday had we not had work on the Monday morning (GUTTED).

All in all we had a good weekend but that was largely due to the company we keep and a lot less to do with Pride!

Just as a footnote, I will not pay to be gay!

Casually popping to Bluewater for some retail therapy, dinner date and cinema with the girlfriend :)
Vest H&amp;M, Chino&#8217;s New Look, Fred Perry plimpsoles Schuh.

Casually popping to Bluewater for some retail therapy, dinner date and cinema with the girlfriend :)

Vest H&M, Chino’s New Look, Fred Perry plimpsoles Schuh.

Ever wanted to know what a blogger like myself looks like when they aren&#8217;t all made up for the camera?
This is my comfy &#8216;come home from work, chill out and blog&#8217; look
Primark vest, Nike joggers, Primark mens socks - messy hair + no make-up = priceless :)

Ever wanted to know what a blogger like myself looks like when they aren’t all made up for the camera?

This is my comfy ‘come home from work, chill out and blog’ look

Primark vest, Nike joggers, Primark mens socks - messy hair + no make-up = priceless :)

Hair Or No Hair? That Is The Question!

Most people I have this conversation with tell me they prefer the cleanly shaven look rather than the au-natural , however I’m sure whether by choice or because of the knowledge of the re-growth itch that makes you look like you have crabs or some kind of nervous twitch that will set in around 2 days later, that some women chose that look for themselves.

This train of thought was sparked by a story I heard about one of my friends, it is also subject of popular questioning when playing the usually drink inspired game of ‘what would you do?’. As most people I know prefer the shaven look the question usually goes something like; “what would you do if you got a girl home, started getting down and dirty only to find when you got her pants off you were faced with a trek through the jungle just to find it?!” It’s ok to say in theory that if you really are against this look that you would make your excuses and leave, but would you actually be that brazen about it if you really were in the situation? My friend however was exactly that! The basics of the story was that faced with powering through the mass of hair she just couldn’t bring herself to do it and instead explained that she was tired and turned over and went to sleep.

I suppose if the majority vote is that this look is a serious turn-off, then why as a single girl who is putting herself out there in the dating world or a situation that could lead to a bit of fun would you run the risk of losing a potential somebody (and whatever purpose they may have been there to provide) because of some over-grown hair?
I’m not saying it’s wrong to go for this look, I’m merely saying it’s not my preference and I wouldn’t be too happy to unwrap my present and find that underneath the wrapping paper. Let’s face it there are ways of controlling it now, as women we don’t have to put up with the re-growth itch anymore. If you don’t like the bald look there’s always the Wilkinson lady shaver which at the least will keep the hair short and tame rather than volumized and messy. I’m just not sure there is any excuse for the feral, bush look anymore.

Ladies I beg of you please spare a thought for the woman/women (or intended) in your life and know that first impressions can not only last a lifetime but they can also be a deal breaker.

PS. If you take anything from this article, let it be that WOMEN TALK ;)

New article coming tomorrow night.

If you enjoy the blog please recommend it to your friends :) I love having new followers and readers

Homophobia Daunting American Media …

Via the DIVA magazine Twitter page I have just read a disturbing article about companies pulling their advertisements from the show ‘Pretty Little Liars’ because one of the characters has taken on a lesbian identity. If this wasn’t bad enough the article then goes on to say;


                Pretty Little Liars, which airs on ABC Family in the US and MTV in the UK, became the target of a campaign by the Florida Family Association after character Emily Fields played by Shay Mitchell, was revealed to be a lesbian.
The FFA claim that the show, who’s audience is primarily 12-18 year old girls, are being sent a message “that reinforces and legitimises this homosexual lifestyle in a manner that could affect these young girls’ sexual identity for a lifetime.” 


As it reads, the show is aimed at 12-18 year olds … how is it not appropriate for people of this age group to see a lesbian on tv?
I can’t say I’ve watched the show (however I may do now just to see the portrayal of the character) but I have watched other programmes of the same calibre to come from the States also aimed at a similar age group. These programmes have the usual characteristics; promiscuous high-school girls, teen pregnancy, drugs, drinking and even abortion, yet the FFA feel a lesbian character is a step too far! Are you kidding me?!

“Reinforces and legitimises this homosexual lifestyle” have I unknowingly been thrown in a time machine and sent back a few decades?

The first thing I’d like to say is to the FFA … wake up call, this is not the first lesbian on screen, in-fact there are whole programmes dedicated to us, fiction and non-fiction. We don’t live in closets anymore!
Secondly I believe this displays the paranoia and possible underlying homosexual tendencies of the members themselves. Do they honestly believe that watching a television programme that contains one lesbian is enough to ‘demonise’ their children and turn them all into a tribe of truck driving, fanny licking, spike-haired, butchies? Let’s face it, if after being exposed to a programme that contained a gay character your child then went out and started experimenting with or having relationships with other people of the same sex then their homosexuality was already bubbling under the surface, the characters didn’t cause them. At best all the media does by showing these characters is to let people know that it’s ok to be who you are. If letting their children be who they are is the actual problem with the FFA members then someone should tell them they’re not fit to be parents.

Undoubtedly the media is quick to be blamed for any and all ‘bad’ behaviour especially amongst young adolescents. However if someone approached me with a dead straight face and told me their child was gay because when they were 14 they saw a programme with a homosexual character in it I’d send them back to whatever bible belt, homophobic state they came from without dignifying them with an answer.

Your child is gay because they are gay end of story, there is no other reason!

To quote Lady GaGa “I was born this way”!

Here is the link to the full article:
http://www.divamag.co.uk/category/news/two-advertisers-have-dropped-their-campaigns-from-an-american-teen-drama,-after-one-of-the-characters-became-a-lesbian.aspx

I &lt;3 my Superdry t-shirts, River Island shorts and my high-top Converse :)

I <3 my Superdry t-shirts, River Island shorts and my high-top Converse :)